You are on the right track to question the abrupt stopping of Prozac–it makes me shudder–but in seeking answers you should also learn as much as you can about cutting. People cut either to a) feel something because they are living in a fog of numbness or b) to attempt to transform their psychic pain into physical pain. Some bounce back and forth between the two.

They NEED to do it. It works, making it self-reinforcing. Many people who cut say it keeps them from killing themselves. It keeps them alive. In fact, nowadays most intervention strategies concentrate at first on teaching anatomy and first aid to keep the cutters as safe as possible, not on stopping the practice. Over time the person learns different ways to deal with these feelings, which reduces the need to cut.

So what you have here is a person who was uncomfortably close to offing himself for a big chunk of his life. The suicide is not surprising. The biggest problem is making the leap from suicidal thoughts to whatever popped up as a good reason for taking others with him.

http://www.cnn.com/US/9907/05/illinois.shootings.02/

He was a racist which is different than the NIU shooter, but there seem to be a couple of similarities. I am sure the FBI behavior profilers remembered Smith.

A friend of mine was one of Smith’s professors at Indiana University. He questioned his grades frequently in her class. Her department chair asked her to document encounters with him, not because he might be a violent threat but because they expected that he would appeal his grade after the semester ended. Smith was a problem of some sort at the University of Illinois but Indiana University was not aware of any of that when he transfered. My friend knew he was a problem but she did not predict violence. She was not ever physically injured but she felt so bad about what Smith did that she quit teaching and moved far away from Indiana University. I think she blamed herself. She knew Smith was a problem but never imagined that he would kill people.

Even if a friend, relative, co-worker, student, etc. may be acting a little off, most people are not going to know what might be warning signs. All of us could use some education as to what to do if someone is a little off.

With more education, more understanding can become possible with mental illness. The NIU shooter reportedly did not like to think of himself as mentally ill and did not like to take his medicine. Well, if more people understood that mental illness can be like a medical illness, not unlike heart disease, cancer, or diabetes, then perhaps there would not be such a negative stigma associated with it. Too many people know something is wrong with them but they do not want to get treatment because they do not want to get labeled. Attitudes toward mental illness can be reshaped, and getting more people education about it may be easier than tangling with the gun lobby over gun control.

On Cole Hall - it appears that this is an obsolete building, not computer wired. But I am reminded of the follow-up to suicide bombers in Israel. In that nation, stores are cleaned up and re-opened the very next day. Killers are not going to destroy the fabric of that society. Similarly, clean up and upgrade Cole Hall, and add a memorial plaque to its exterior. College life is all about looking ahead, and absorbing both good and bad experiences. Let Cole Hall live and be used by future classes at NIU.

I am guessing that your writing is helping you but please don’t hesitate also to hire a professional if it gets too scary or you get to feeling that you’re stuck.

However, it’s not being stuck just to have good days and bad days. The recovery process is never a linear thing. If you are like me you will become impatient with it at times; but if you approach the emotional work as necessary and nurturing you will be very pleased with the person who emerges from the other side.

All the best.